Your relationships shape who you become

Dr. Olawale

One key factor that determines whether we become who God created us to be and accomplish His purposes for our lives is the people we surround ourselves with and give access to speak into our lives. It is so critical that we mind the relationships we keep. How critical are the right relationships in our lives? Let’s study two examples from scripture.

David

The book of 1 Chronicles 11 recalls the mighty men of David and the incredible exploits they performed. These mighty men of exploits, however, did not start as mighty men. The Bible gives us the resume of these men in I Samuel 22:2:

“And every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and every one that was discontented, gathered themselves unto him; and he became a captain over them: and there were with him about four hundred men.” 1 Samuel 22:2

However, through the power of the right relationship with David as their leader and trainer, these men became the mighty men of David who did incredible exploits. Let’s read about three of these mighty men and some of their exploits as documented in 1 Chronicles 11:10-21

“10 Now these are the chiefs of David's mighty men, who gave him strong support in his kingdom, together with all Israel, to make him king, according to the word of the Lord concerning Israel. 11 This is an account of David's mighty men: Jashobeam, a Hachmonite, was chief of the three. He wielded his spear against 300, whom he killed at one time.

12 And next to him among the three mighty men was Eleazar the son of Dodo, the Ahohite. 13 He was with David at Pas-dammim when the Philistines were gathered there for battle. There was a plot of ground full of barley, and the men fled from the Philistines. 14 But he took his stand in the midst of the plot and defended it and killed the Philistines. And the Lord saved them by a great victory.

15 Three of the thirty chief men went down to the rock to David at the cave of Adullam, when the army of Philistines was encamped in the Valley of Rephaim. 16 David was then in the stronghold, and the garrison of the Philistines was then at Bethlehem. 17 And David said longingly, “Oh that someone would give me water to drink from the well of Bethlehem that is by the gate!” 18 Then the three mighty men broke through the camp of the Philistines and drew water out of the well of Bethlehem that was by the gate and took it and brought it to David. But David would not drink it. He poured it out to the Lord 19 and said, “Far be it from me before my God that I should do this. Shall I drink the lifeblood of these men? For at the risk of their lives they brought it.” Therefore, he would not drink it. These things did the three mighty men.

20 Now Abishai, the brother of Joab, was chief of the thirty. And he wielded his spear against 300 men and killed them and won a name beside the three. 21 He was the most renowned of the thirty and became their commander, but he did not attain to the three.” 1 Chronicles 11:10-21

Ammon, David’s son

Now, let’s see how detrimental a wrong relationship can be for one’s life and destiny. David’s son Ammon was encouraged by his ungodly friend, Jonadab, to rape his half-sister, Tamar. That resulted in his death by Absalom, Tamar’s brother, as well as much sorrow for Tamar and the family.

“In the course of time, Amnon, son of David, fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom, son of David. 2 Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

3 Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab, son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. 4 He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 “Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.” 7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. 9 Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. “Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. …14 But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

28 Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” 29 So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules, and fled. 30 While they were on their way, the report came to David: “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.” 31 The king stood up, tore his clothes, and lay down on the ground; and all his attendants stood by with their clothes torn.” - 2 Samuel 1-14; 28-30

Imagine if Jonadab had been a godly friend to Ammon. The evil act and resulting grievous consequences would have been averted. Tamar would have lived a different life – maybe married with children, serving God. Ammon might have lived a longer life and accomplished God’s purpose for his life! If we don’t want to become corrupted or destroyed, we must be intentional in choosing our friends and counselors. A wise person chooses his or her friends carefully. Those who walk with the wise will become wise, but the companions of fools will be destroyed.

“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” - Proverbs 13:20 (NLT)

“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” - Proverbs 12:26 (NKJV)

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.” - 1 Corinthians 15:33 (BSB)